Thursday, September 3, 2009

Reporting on Job-Search Results

If you're on the dole, you have to track your job search for the government. And one of the columns you have to complete is labelled "Results."

Now this is where time matters. At what point do we give up hope and call it "Rejection"? I've left this column blank because I've not heard back from anyone. Not even an automated Thank you for your submission. Now you can forget you ever applied here cuz you're not going to hear from us again.

It's not that difficult to set up an automated response that lets applicants know their applications went through. (Okay. I'm exaggerating somewhat. I've had less than a handful of automated thank-yous. You know who you are.) These are major, recognizable companies I've been applying to so I expect their hiring process to be a bit more polished than small, family-owned operations.

Searching for a job is beginning to look like a numbers game to me: The more jobs I apply for, the better my chances of getting one. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Which is why I applied to a terrorist organization. (I hope this proves to the government how much I want a job rather than my failure at patriotism.)

And I've got to hand it to these guys: They blew away the Fortune 500 in the etiquette-of-hiring department. I know exactly where I stand with them and can now report this in the Results column: REJECTED.


Yes, REJECTED. I can't even get traction with a bunch of terrorists. Which casts the rest of the Results column in a new light. As a new season sets in, I suppose I need to re-examine my hope approach.

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