Reporting on Job-Search Results

If you're on the dole, you have to track your job search for the government. And one of the columns you have to complete is labelled "Results."

Now this is where time matters. At what point do we give up hope and call it "Rejection"? I've left this column blank because I've not heard back from anyone. Not even an automated Thank you for your submission. Now you can forget you ever applied here cuz you're not going to hear from us again.

It's not that difficult to set up an automated response that lets applicants know their applications went through. (Okay. I'm exaggerating somewhat. I've had less than a handful of automated thank-yous. You know who you are.) These are major, recognizable companies I've been applying to so I expect their hiring process to be a bit more polished than small, family-owned operations.

Searching for a job is beginning to look like a numbers game to me: The more jobs I apply for, the better my chances of getting one. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Which is why I applied to a terrorist organization. (I hope this proves to the government how much I want a job rather than my failure at patriotism.)

And I've got to hand it to these guys: They blew away the Fortune 500 in the etiquette-of-hiring department. I know exactly where I stand with them and can now report this in the Results column: REJECTED.

What?

Yes, REJECTED. I can't even get traction with a bunch of terrorists. Which casts the rest of the Results column in a new light. As a new season sets in, I suppose I need to re-examine my hope approach.

May Ye Never Be "Marginally Attached"

Years ago, business consultants created the buzzphrase "engaged workers" to describe the level of enthusiasm and loyalty employees had for their organizations' business and senior management. To be engaged was to be beyond motivated. An engaged worker understood the mission of a company and gave 110% to help the company accomplish it. And, of course, the consultants—for a price—could not only measure the engagement levels of employees but train them to become engaged. It was (still is) a handy piece of English for managers to flaunt during performance reviews, and when choosing whom to lay off next.

Now comes a new bit of buzz out of the U.S. Labor Department: "marginally attached" workers. Only they're not workers since they're not considered part of the workforce; they're not even really part of the unemployed ranks. They're the folks who have been unemployed and are giving up the search for a new job. The marginally attached include former workers who have chosen to return to school, have become a caregiver to a relative, and those who are too sick to search.

The good news is that the Labor Dept. is recognizing this trend. The bad news, of course, is that any one of us could end up adrift in the trend. This brings to mind a line from Ouida's A Village Commune: "Take hope from the heart of a man and you make him a beast of prey."