Love Is in the Air

May the Valentine Fairy be good to you today.

[Art from Graphics Fairy.]

BOOKreMARKS: “Cat lovers will adore this book”

I’ve just finished reading the awkwardly titled The Cat Who Came Back for Christmas: How a Cat Brought a Family the Gift of Love by Julia Romp. It’s the perfect feel-good, breezy read most of could use to lift our spirits.

Yet I’m not sure Temple Grandin, who endorsed the book with “Cat lovers will adore this book,” got it right. Cat lovers may squirm with impatience through the first 64 pages, wondering whether the cat will ever enter the story. If all you’re looking for in Romp’s memoir is an animal story, then you may be disappointed—for it is so much more than that.

Romp, who is not a professional writer, gives us a temporary view into her world of unexpected single motherhood. We share her distress when doctors fail for years to properly diagnose her baby’s odd behaviors, we suffer her embarrassment when she’s in public with her unusual boy, and we nod knowingly as her absolute and unshakeable love for her son George motivates her to constantly seek a connection with him.

George is autistic (hence the reason Temple Grandin was asked to comment on the book). As much as the general public is aware of autism through the mainstream media, there remains a grave disconnect between our knowledge and our understanding. Romp magnifies for her readers how other people—children, teachers, strangers—respond to George and how George perceives the world he shares with them. We learn quickly that they may as well be two different planets.

If you know someone who is dealing with autism in any capacity, I encourage you to read The Cat Who Came Back for Christmas (also published as A Friend Like Ben). On second thought, you should probably read it regardless, for if recent statistics are accurate, you WILL cross paths with autism at some point in your life. And if you’re informed about autism’s effects on families, you may enhance your understanding and compassion for those families. When an autistic child starts screaming in a mall, you may refrain from tsk-tsking over his bad behavior and realize instead that he may well be in pain from the lights and blaring music or that he feels threatened by the scores of people around him. In this respect, the book deserves a wider audience.

 As for animal lovers, the book provides a terrific role model (Romp herself) of animal advocacy. Cat and animal lovers should read it if only to learn how to find a lost pet. Romp’s search for her son’s beloved Baboo (aka Ben) is a showdown of determination and desperation. As her net widens, so does her stewardship: False leads (cats mistakenly identified as Ben) get new guardians or are returned home through Romp’s efforts. She helps others along the way because it’s the right thing to do—even when her hopes of recovering her own feline are fading.

Romp writes of the cruelty that percolates during a search—the people who cursed her out for putting a leaflet on their cars, the people who simply meowed into her answering machine, the person who claimed to have Ben and said, “We’ve got him and you won’t get him back.” She writes of the loss of the small, furry family member: how it devastated her son—“I can’t breathe. I can’t swallow. My heart is coming out,” he said over and over—and how it unraveled her relationship with him.

The Cat Who Came Back for Christmas probably won’t win any literary awards, but don’t let that stop you from reading it. It’s engaging and instructive nonetheless. It’s a story of loss and fierce love—for a child, for a cat, and for the family unit made whole by each.

Old Dog, New View

Since enjoying Tom Ryan’s Following Atticus—a memoir about identity and leading a meaningful life set against a background of Ryan hiking the White Mountains with his unique Schnauzer, Atticus—I’ve been following his blog. This May, Ryan got wind of a 15-year-old Schnauzer on Death Row.

The dog was left at a kill shelter by the very family who had cared for him all his life. The facts are a tad murky, but it seems that for some time they had been keeping the pooch in a crate all day for the sake of convenience, for the Schnauzer had become deaf and mostly blind. He was also extremely arthritic, making mobility a challenge, and the family had given up on him.

The Schnauzer’s health, not surprisingly, quickly declined at the shelter and euthanasia was looking like his only future. That is, until a Schnauzer rescue and Tom Ryan stepped into the picture.

Ryan believed the pooch deserved to be loved and to live in comfort. Judging from the dog’s health and age, he had only a couple of months left before reaching a natural end. Ryan wanted to give him dignity for those two months. So he adopted Will.

Will wasn’t an easy customer. He’d grown to distrust humans and bit Ryan repeatedly. But Ryan knew all about betrayal and distrust, knew relationships take time to develop; he didn’t hold it against Will.

Ryan did whatever he could to give comfort to Will: “Will likes to be tucked in and feel secure against the night. He likes flowers. He likes music playing near his head where he appears to get more out of the vibration than the actual sound. So we get him flowers, cover him at night, and play music for him. If all it takes to make someone feel loved is to give them a few simple pleasures in life, why not do it?”

What surprised Ryan was how much Will began to change, physically as well as emotionally. With proper medical treatment, his pain was managed, his mobility stabilized, and his personality started to emerge. Will wanted to live.

It’s now well past that two-month mark Ryan originally thought he was dealing with, and Will is a new dog. He nuzzles rather than bites, hangs out with Atticus, attends book signings with Ryan, and has even taken up mountain hiking (albeit in a stroller) with his new tribe. This month for the first time, he showed interest in sleeping with the humans in their bed. He’s proof positive that old doesn’t mean done, that a meaningful life may be achieved even at the geriatric stage of life, that love is always worthwhile.

November is Adopt-A-Senior-Pet Month. If you’re in the market for another critter or in a position to foster one, please consider an elder animal. They have so much left to give to those willing to recognize it.

Watch a video (second from the top left) of Will romping in the yard. If you want a “pawtographed” edition of Ryan’s book, here’s the info.

[Top photo of Tom and Atticus by Ken Stampfer; middle photo of Will and bottom photo of Will and Atticus by Tom Ryan.]

A Love Primer

 





















“…To live in this world

you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go. ”

—from “In Blackwater Woods” by Mary Oliver


[Art by Jamie Wyeth.]

A Barnyard Lady Killer Bids Farewell

He arrived at Catskill Animal Sanctuary with 13 ewes and lambs and he was bad to the bone. There wasn’t a stall that could pen him in, not a creature who had authority over him. The humans called him Rambo, for he was all horn and rage—until…at last…he wasn’t. He transformed from wild to wise and became the self-proclaimed guardian of all the barnyard animals. He herded them, rescued them, guided them, and comforted them. They looked up to the Jacob ram and, if they were female, had a crush on him.

Yes, Rambo attracted the fairer sex of many species, especially the wingèd variety. Barbie, the rescued broiler hen, was one of his favorites. In Animal Camp, CAS director Kathy Stevens describes seeing Rambo approach Barbie and hoof the ground, the signal he used with humans to get a massage out of them. But Barbie didn’t understand the signal, so Rambo showed her what he meant: Ever so gently, he massaged her body with the tip of his horn. A few days later, Rambo could be seen relaxing in the barn with a busy Barbie at his side, pulling hay from his coat. As their relationship intensified, so did the jealousy of Hannah the sheep.

Hannah fancied herself the rightful mate of Rambo, in a Fatal Attraction kind of way, and was never far from the object of her affections. In fact, she fretted if he wasn’t in her sightlines. As Stevens entered the barn one day, she saw Rambo but no Hannah. This was odd and prompted her to ask a CAS employee about Hannah’s absence.

“She’s in time out.”

“What happened?” asked Stevens.

“She head-butted Barbie halfway across the aisle.” Hell hath no fury…

As Rambo aged, arthritis gripped his body and slowed him down, but it didn’t impair his sense of responsibility to his flock. A couple of months ago when the cows escaped, he couldn’t round them up himself so he did the next best thing: He hobbled to the humans and alerted them to the situation. Stevens knew Rambo would soon face his final transformation and she tried to steel herself for it.

She was right. Last Saturday Rambo transformed from earthbound to spirit while surrounded by everyone who loved him, both human and nonhuman. In a fitting portent, just the day before, the sanctuary had welcomed 14 sheep rescued from neglect—one of them a Jacob ram. While a new era begins for the flock, it seems Rambo’s legacy is sure to continue.

Hug A Hamster Today

I don’t often pay attention to the “lesser holidays.” The sheer number of oddball celebrations and observances overwhelms me. Some come around annually, others come and go according to the whims of their originators and sponsors. For instance, you probably know that March is Women’s History Month, but did you realize that it’s also National Umbrella Month and National Adopt a Rescued Guinea Pig Month?

Periodically I stumble across a special date worth sharing. (Alas, I apparently missed January’s Squirrel Appreciation Day. My apologies to Stubby.) Today is Love Your Pet Day.

Of course, I don’t believe we need a set-aside day for this, nor should loving our pets be relegated to only one day out of the entire year. However, the book I just finished, An Unspoken Art: Profiles of Veterinary Life, contains a story about a devoted (affluent) pet guardian who spent around $50,000 in 1990s American currency on two years’ worth of vet care for her beloved cat. Just when you think the woman might have gone over the edge, she says this:

“A relationship with an animal is like having a terminal child, because you know from the beginning that their life span is short. The reality of it is that you better enjoy every damn day you’ve got with them because your time together is so fleeting.”
—Pauline Wilson

Isn’t that the truth? If you have a pet, give him or her a little extra affection today.

[Art by Jo Chambers and Andy Warhol.]

Love the One You’re With?

For some, this holiday serves up only unpleasant memories of the unrequited and the solitary. But they forget that Love manifests in all shapes and sizes, to all types of creatures. Love travels on Perception, and sometimes there’s no easy explanation for how and whom it touches.

Take Precious, my first animal companion of my very own. Her first love was a black version of the sculpture she’s photographed with here. She cooed at it, nuzzled it, slept with it, cooed more, pawed it, cooed from afar, cuddled it … you get the picture. There was a whole lotta cooin’ going on.

As you may have guessed, her efforts were never reciprocated. But she persevered, and when at last she met a real black cat (my husband-to-be’s female Burmese), Precious simply transferred her campaign to the living specimen. She must have thought her perseverance was being rewarded.

Sadly, the Burmese thought otherwise. She tolerated Miss P’s advances as long as she could stand it, then arched her back or hissed or screeched or left the room. This went on for years. (The Burmese was the ONLY feline to ever gain my cat-loathing mother’s sympathy. “Poor thing!” my mother said. “My God! How would you like to have somebody stalking and crying after you all the time?” She had a point.)

I just saw my lovestruck kitten for the brain-damaged but charming spirit she was. The world she inhabited was always a bit to the left of the one the rest of us understood. She couldn’t help how Cupid had entangled her. And frankly, I couldn’t argue with her taste.

Love, be loved, and honor Love today, for as Nikki Giovanni wrote:

“We love because it’s the only true adventure.”

Happy Anniversary, Husband Dearest

We’ve been married for 5 years, known each other for 30, and lived together for 27.

Whew! Where’s the bubbly?

“Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.”
—Rumi

[Contrary to the photo, our ceremony did not involve a church or flowing gown. Instead, we had a corporate conference room and pinstriped suits. But that’s another story…]

Mark the Day with Poetry

Late Fragment
by Raymond Carver

And did you get what
you wanted from this life, even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved, to feel myself
beloved on the earth.

All We Need Is Love

"I claim there ain't

Another Saint
As great as Valentine."

—Attributed to Ogden Nash

Need a poem to customize that card for a special someone? The Poetry Foundation has posted several categories of love poems—teen, erotic, romantic, humorous, even break-up. And for lovers of poetry, the Foundation has a special deal today on subscriptions. Half off—today ONLY!

"Everything that counts is for love … It’s the engine of life."
—Annie Proulx, in The Shipping News

"The Eskimo has fifty names for snow because it is important to them; there ought to be as many for love."
—Margaret Atwood

Looking for something to read today? Find your holiday spirit in We So Seldom Look on Love. This short-story collection from Barbara Gowdy looks at love from numerous angles and pushes the boundaries of traditional definitions of loving relationships.

[Hearts figure prominently in Jim Dine's work. For more info on the artist:
• Jim Dine bio and timeline
• Jim Dine video on his creative process
• Jim Dine in museums]