Who Knew?

“You may say a cat uses good grammar. Well, a cat does—but you let a cat get excited, once; you let a cat get to pulling fur with another cat on a shed, nights, and you’ll hear grammar that will give you the lockjaw. Ignorant people think it’s the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain’t so; it’s the sickening grammar they use.”
—from “Jim Baker’s Blue-Jay Yarn” in A Tramp Abroad, by Mark Twain

WordGazing: Derby Tip for Grammarians

If you’re still looking for a pony to bet on in today’s Run for the Roses, put your money toward the only one with a connection to punctuation: Comma to the Top. It’s a Southern expression for apostrophe.


I read an uptight blogger’s rant about how ridiculous it is to use a four-word euphemism in place of apostrophe. I don’t know the etymology behind it, but it works—descriptively speaking. And if it helps some folks use a “comma to the top” properly (we already know how many folks can’t master the apostrophe), then what’s to complain about?

"Signs, Signs, Everywhere Are Signs . . ."

emember that song from an era gone by? It lodged in my brain recently when I noticed some signs in need of an editor's touch.

"Please Do Not Park on Dunkin' Donuts" the placard warned from the building next door to the parking lot. Of course, anyone could easily deduce that the parking lot belonged to the Dunkin' Donuts franchise facing it and that parking there was reserved for DD customers. But that's not what the sign SAYS. Arguably, as long as I don't crush a donut, I can park in the lot and shop at the adjacent store.

This kind of imprecise language gets us in trouble in contractual matters, business negotiations, even friendships.

Here's another parking lot sign: "This parking lot is reserved for patients, visitors, physicians, and employees of XYZ Care Facility!"

What's wrong with the sentence? (Don't bother answering if you're an anti-exclamation point activist.) Nothing, as far as a proofreader is concerned. The problem surfaces only if you know something about the facility. And this is where a good editor can save the day. Patients at this facility typically arrive in an ambulance, stay for a lengthy period, and leave accompanied by friends or family. Patients don't drive there. So the comma following "patients" should be replaced by an apostrophe. Or better yet, "patients" should be omitted.

For many of us, what we mean is frequently (and unintentionally) not what we say or write. And it's the genesis of plenty of misunderstandings and misguided actions.

"Signs, Signs, Everywhere Are Signs . . ." Is that cloying tune lodged in your head yet?