hen I was a kid, my family's visit to a wax museum scarred me for life. I have no memory of the exhibits we saw save for the man who was buried alive. I have trouble breathing just thinking about it.For my recent birthday, a friend gave me The Worst-Case Scenario Daily Survival Calendar 2010: A Day-By-Day Guide to Surviving a Year's Worth of Peril. It's the perfect gift for someone who barely survived 2009. And when I randomly opened it, what do you think showed up?
"How to Survive If You Are Buried Alive."
My God! This WAS the perfect gift! I could read that tiny page and put all my fears to rest.
But once I started reading, it became clear that the instructions (and hence the positive outcome) were predicated on several factors:
1. You had to be buried in a coffin—not just dumped in a hole and covered with dirt.
2. You had to be wearing a shirt (not a tube or halter top or low-cut dress).
3. The coffin had to be unlined and made of soft wood.
My first thought was, What kind of editor missed this? Too many unusual circumstances had to fall into place before you could save yourself. My second thought was, I'm still terrified that some thug will bury me alive! [Sounds of wheezing and choking.]
But I gave the calendar another chance and found it full of interesting and useful trivia. It has "Today's Hero" and "Today in Survival History" anecdotes sprinkled throughout—from the doctor who established America's first blood bank (right here in Chicago) to the release date of the BeeGees' chart-topping "Stayin' Alive." Its survival tips range from the practical ("How to Find Direction without a Compass" and "How to Survive in Frigid Water") to the silly ("How to Escape a Bad Date" and "How to Survive If You Have No One to Kiss on New Year's Eve").
So it seemed logical to me that surviving a layoff would score a page. But I haven't found it…yet. I'm going to keep looking, though. And you can be sure I'll share the news with you once I find it.
"Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive…"
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